I just pynch a tree in the face
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
