Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
