please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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