i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
