I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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