1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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