He is an equal opportunity slut.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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