So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
