someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
