dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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