You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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