Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?