How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2