I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
