I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
