I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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