I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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