i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
