so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
