we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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