never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
