Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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