It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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