About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My penis needs a shock collar
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
