im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
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make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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