You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
