Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
where am i from again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
