Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
