the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
