just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
