Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
