Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
