You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
