the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
