just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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