i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
