You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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