Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
