Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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