So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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