The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize