I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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