Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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