It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize