I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
try to milk me bitch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
