she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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