I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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