I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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