Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
