Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
