It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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