My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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