im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
