Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
