the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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