he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
