i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
