Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
