I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
