I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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