She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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