It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
