No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
