Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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