This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
