she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
