Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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