A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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