You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
