Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
