It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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