So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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