update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
