So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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