she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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