peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
