dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
