I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
