Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.