Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
